Question: My boys fight and argue constantly. The 12-year-old likes to show his dominance over my 9-year-old. It's a constant struggle with them to see who's going to control the remote or ride in the front seat with me in between playing referee.

I'm tired of all the bickering and turmoil in the house. What can I do?

Answer: Although sibling rivalry happens for any number of reasons, brothers and sisters often fight to test their limits, assert themselves or show superiority over one another.

When children are at odds, parents often try to talk them out of their feelings.

Next time, try acknowledging their anger or frustration. You may be surprised at how quickly the anger disappears when you let them know you understand their feelings.

When you must “referee” your boys' squabbles, be specific about the behavior you don't like and help them find better resolutions.

As their parent, you can do a lot to foster affection between them, but it takes effort.

It's not enough to just break up fights between your boys. Work to stop the teasing and other mean behavior they're engaging in.

Many times, when children are mean to other kids, parents correct them. But when their kids behave the same way toward a sibling, parents frequently ignore it. That confuses kids.

Brent Cooper, a licensed educational psychologist, has a private practice in Palm Desert and evaluates individuals of all ages for ADHD, learning disabilities and autism. Reach him at (760) 342-4900 or www.elpaseotesting.com